


What Do I Know

by TheGreatCatsby



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Nationals, bokusuga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 06:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8153078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatCatsby/pseuds/TheGreatCatsby
Summary: They like each other during training camp, but they can't both win at Nationals.





	

“It’s kind of peaceful out here, but it’s not the real Tokyo.” 

Karasuno’s #2 turned around. Bokuto had noticed him standing outside one of the gyms and decided to go talk to him. Sugawara Koushi, the third year reserve setter. He hadn’t played in many of the practice matches, and Bokuto understood why. Kageyama Tobio was a genius. He did things even Akaashi couldn’t, like that pinpoint toss. Bokuto had never seen that before, and he’d been to Nationals. 

Sugawara had a different playing style than Kageyama’s. He seemed to focus more on the feeling of his teammates, while still being aware of the strategies of the other team. Karasuno hadn’t lost points the times when Sugawara was in--in fact, they’d gained several points as the other teams adjusted to the new playing style. Sugawara looked dependable, and he was, but he also pulled some unpredictable moves. A synchronized attack gone wrong, and then one gone right. A quick attack with Hinata when everyone thought that Hinata only did quicks with Kageyama. Back attacks with Karasuno’s captain. 

It had been a long time since Bokuto hadn’t been a starting player, so he couldn’t quite understand Sugawara’s feelings on the matter. But Sugawara interested him. He seemed to spend a lot of time putting out fires, like Akaashi, but he behaved completely differently. 

Bokuto’s way of learning about something was to poke it with a stick. 

The sun had started to set, and Sugawara’s silver-blond hair shone when it caught the light. He turned around at Bokuto’s voice, one eyebrow raised, expression friendly but not the same kind of friendly he used around Karasuno. 

“What is the real Tokyo?” he asked. 

“Ah, it’s amazing,” Bokuto said, coming to stand next to him. “Sugawara-san, right?” 

“You can call me Suga. You’re Bokuto-san? The ace of Fukurodani?” 

“That’s me!” Bokuto grinned. “Don’t need the -san, though. That’s a bit formal, don’t you think?” He bounced on the balls of his feet to expel some nervous energy. People didn’t always react to him well. “Anyway, there’s so much noise and people and stuff going on. You can’t look somewhere and not have something happening, you know? It’s got this energy!” 

“This is nice,” Suga pointed out. “It’s relaxing. A bit hot, though. Wouldn’t it be hotter in the city?” 

“Oh yeah, the summer is killer,” Bokuto said. “I don’t like it. But it’s still...something. I mean, you can love it and hate it at the same time. Sometimes you wish everyone would just disappear and other times you want to be right in the middle of it. Does that...does that make sense?” 

Suga looked thoughtful, and for a moment Bokuto was afraid he’d come across as some sort of weird person who spoke nonsense. But then he nodded. “I can see that.” 

“The best though,” Bokuto said, “is when you’re above it all. Tokyo Tower. The real Tokyo Tower I mean, not those random towers your captain keeps pointing out.” 

Suga burst out laughing and any tension Bokuto felt disappeared. “To be fair, Daichi barely leaves town! Be easy on him!” 

“Are you easy on him?” Bokuto asked. 

“No, but he’s my captain,” Suga said. His playful grin turned into something wistful. “I wish we had time to see it.” 

“You wanna go?” Bokuto asked. 

Suga’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Now?” 

“No,” Bokuto said. “I mean, sometime. I wouldn’t mind taking you. Or getting to know you more. Hanging out. You know, like...people do when they get to know each other. If you want to, I mean.” He was babbling now. 

Suga didn’t seem to mind. “I’d like that. I don’t know when,” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It looked so soft, Bokuto wanted to touch it. “I mean, school is starting up again and then we have to actually qualify for Nationals, and I’m sure you’ll be there. I hope we are too, but that means we’ll both be really busy.” 

“We’ll figure it out,” Bokuto said. “When it’s all said and done, we’ll go. I’ll show you the real Tokyo. What do you say?” 

“I’d like that.” Suga met Bokuto’s eyes, and Bokuto felt his heart beat harder. 

In that moment, the trip to Tokyo Tower became a promise. 

*

They talked after late night practice and over breakfast and lunch. They shot each other looks across the court. Bokuto overheard Karasuno’s captain teasing Suga about “fraternizing with the enemy” and Suga respond with something about unruly kouhai learning “dirty tricks.” Every time he saw Suga or bumped into him or started talking to him he felt lighter, somehow. Simultaneously at ease and like he was being kept on his toes. 

This was a problem. 

“I don’t want to leave,” he moaned to Akaashi as they packed their clothes after the barbecue. 

“Why not, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi asked. “We don’t live far.” 

“But they do,” Bokuto said. 

Akaashi paused in folding his clothes. “Oh.” 

“Oh?” 

“Karasuno is leaving earlier than the Tokyo teams,” Akaashi told him. “You should say goodbye before they do.” 

Bokuto dropped his clothes and rushed into the school parking lot, where Karasuno were loading their bags into a bus. He rushed over. 

“Suga! I wanted to say goodbye!” 

Suga blinked, then smiled. “We still have some time. We’re just packing up. In fact, I have to find some of my kouhai. They’ve gone missing.” He indicated the building. 

“I’ll help!” Bokuto fell into step with Suga as they walked back inside. The hallways were emptier than they’d been over the past week, quiet. Suga didn’t seem to want to break the silence, but Bokuto had to. “I’ll miss you.” 

Suga’s cheeks turned a faint pink color. “I-I’ll...thank you! I mean, I’ll miss you too. I wish we could see each other more often.” 

Bokuto knew he didn’t have much time. He wanted Suga to remember him. He didn’t want to leave things weird or anything like that, but he wanted to leave them certain. So he pulled Suga’s arm to get him to stop walking and faced him. 

“Wha-” Suga started, but Bokuto kissed him. 

Suga made a surprised noise and Bokuto pulled away, but before he could ask whether or not he should apologize, Suga kissed him back. When they pulled apart, they were both breathless. 

“Wow,” Bokuto breathed. 

“I like you,” Suga blurted out. 

“I like you too,” Bokuto said. 

Suga huffed out a laugh. “I could tell.” 

“So what--” Bokuto took a deep breath. “Can we date?” 

“I think we can,” Suga said, half teasing and half serious. 

“You won’t forget about me, right?” Bokuto asked. “I mean, we can talk every day and stuff, right?” 

Suga nodded and squeezed Bokuto’s arm. “I won’t forget you. This training camp is the most fun I’ve had in a long time, and I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you.” 

“Me too,” Bokuto said. 

Suga smiled. Bokuto wanted to kiss the mole by his eye and realized there was nothing stopping him. So he did. Suga giggled. 

As far as goodbyes went, it was both the best kind, and the worst. Because Bokuto wanted more. 

*

[Kou #2]: Please don’t tell me you have killer serves up your sleeve.

[Brokuto]: huh? 

[Kou #2]: Aoba Josai. They all practiced their serves. 

[Brokuto]: SOUNDS LIKE WE GOT WORK TO DO.

[Kou #2]: I DIDN’T MEAN THAT AS A SUGGESTION NOOOO 

[Brokuto]: u mean u didn’t think our serves were killer at training camp???

[Kou #2]: They were fine. But your attacking power was more than theirs. 

[Brokuto]: more what? 

[Kou #2]: Just more. 

[Brokuto]: so ur in nationals now? 

[Kou #2]: I wish! We have our final match tomorrow...against Shiratorizawa!

[Brokuto]: I FEEL FOR U MAN

[Kou #2]: I’m really nervous. I know we’ve all practiced a lot and done our best, but it was really close with Aoba Josai. 

[Brokuto]: i’ve seen u guys, ur scary. Like, u change faster than any team i’ve ever seen. If anyone can pull it off, it’s u guys. 

[Kou #2]: Thank you :D I hope I come back with good news! 

[Brokuto]: I bet u will! 

*

[Kou #2]: Guess who’s going to Tokyo? 

[Brokuto]: U WON?! CONGRATULATIONS! OH MAN I WISH I COULD’VE SEEN USHIWAKA’S FACE! AHHH THAT MEANS I’M GONNA SEE U ON THE NATIONAL STAGE! U BETTER BRING UR A-GAME! 

[Kou #2]: Thank you! It feels so sudden. I know we have a few months but...I’m nervous. 

[Brokuto]: don’t worry bro. it’s gonna be awesome, nationals is so cool! 

[Kou #2]: It’s the last chance for all of us. 

[Brokuto]: tru

[Kou #2]: I think...no matter who wins, it’s amazing that we all got this far. I mean, for us, it seemed impossible at the beginning of this year. 

[Brokuto]: u guys really evolve fast 

[Kou #2]: It’s the first years that gave us hope. They changed us. 

[Brokuto]: they’re good, but i kinda want to play against u as setter :D 

[Kou #2]: Maybe you will ;) 

[Brokuto]: I better 

*

“Put the phone down.”

“But Akaaaaaashi--” 

“You’re the captain. I’m not supposed to lead practice. You are.” 

Reluctantly, Bokuto finished typing his message and put the phone in his gym bag. The other players were practicing their serves. Akaashi stared at Bokuto for a long moment before turning away. 

“Have you two talked about it?” he asked. 

“Who?” Bokuto fiddled with his kneepads. 

“You and Karasuno’s reserve setter. Have you talked about what happens when one of you loses?”

“We’re both going to do our best,” Bokuto said, grinning. “Besides, Akaashi, I don’t think we’ll lose.” 

“Then you need to stop being distracted,” Akaashi said. “If we have any hope of playing Karasuno, we need to put everything into our practices.” 

“I’m not distracted,” Bokuto said, frowning, but his chest felt a little tight. 

“You’ve been glued to your phone for weeks,” Akaashi said. “I,” he took a deep breath, “I’m glad that you’ve found something other than volleyball that you’re passionate about. I really am. But right now…” 

“Right now it’s all about Nationals,” Bokuto finished for him. “I get it, I do. Don’t worry.” He straightened to full height. “I won’t let the team down!” 

Akaashi nodded and headed towards the court. Bokuto followed, the uncomfortable feeling in his chest growing. Distracted? Maybe a bit, but Sugawara was distracting. Had he been distracted too much? Was it really affecting his game? 

He shook his head and picked up a volleyball, heading to the edge of the court to practice his serve. He couldn’t think about it right now. He couldn’t have this distraction. 

They were going to win, no matter what. Bokuto had always dreamed of winning Nationals in his final year. He wanted to leave school on a high note. 

He wasn’t going to be distracted from that goal. 

* 

No matter how hard he tried, it wasn’t enough. Nekoma almost always connected the ball to the setter. 

His spikes went through the blockers, but Nekoma still managed to get it up. Bokuto hit harder and harder. He played all the tricks that usually got to the other teams. And still, the ball went up. 

What kind of third year ace couldn’t score? 

25-24 Nekoma. Match point, final set. He had the chance to make things right. He screamed at Akaashi to set him the ball and slammed it across the net.

Or would have, but Kuroo’s hands connected with the ball and it fell at Bokuto’s feet. 

Game over.

The crowd’s cheers sounded like roaring in Bokuto’s ears. He felt hands on his back, steering him away from the net. Akaashi said something about it being okay, they got this far thanks to the hard work of the team and its captain. 

The captain who couldn't even turn the game around. 

He felt like he was outside himself as they bowed to the audience and thanked them, as he said words of encouragement to his team that he didn’t feel. He might have rambled, but he finished what he was meant to do, and then Akaashi pulled him aside in the hallway. 

“Who won the other game?” Bokuto found himself asking. 

Akaashi hesitated. “Karasuno.”

Bokuto had promised he'd see Suga on the other side of the net. And now, he'd only gone and proven that he wasn't good enough. Karasuno had surpassed him. 

His phone buzzed. 

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi warned. 

Bokuto opened the message.

[Kou #2]: I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do? 

A stupid text. It all seemed so futile, coming from someone who couldn't possibly understand what it was like to come so close to a dream and have it ripped away. Before he knew what he was doing, Bokuto stormed away from Akaashi and outside, pressing the dial button on his phone. 

Suga picked up on the third ring. “Koutarou-”

“Congrats,” Bokuto choked out. “That's what you wanted me to say, isn't it?” 

Silence for a moment. “Are you okay?” 

Bokuto laughed. “What do you think?” What a stupid question. “I'm sure you're happy though.”

“Did you see my text?” Suga asked. 

The heaviness in Bokuto’s chest unfurled into rage. “Oh, you mean asking what can you do? Because you won and I didn't? How could you ask that? How do you know--”

“I didn't mean it in a bad-”

“How do you know what it's like to get so close and then lose it all?” Bokuto continued. “How do you know what it's like to not be able to carry your team to victory?”

“I do know,” Suga said, quietly. 

That just made Bokuto angrier. “Don't pretend! I let myself be distracted by you and I let my team lose because of that! I bet you'll have lots of fun with Nekoma! After all, you're both better teams, right? Don't pretend you get it.”

“Bokuto-”

Bokuto hung up, breathing hard. He didn't want to think about the tremor in Suga’s voice. He didn't want to hear apologies. 

He wanted to go home and curl up and not see anyone for a while. 

*

[unknown]: please make sure Bokuto is okay and tell him I'm sorry. 

[Akaashi]: Sugawara-san?

*

The match began at 11am. Bokuto was still in bed. 

He couldn't watch. He had wanted more than anything to be on that court and failed. Now the game would go on without him. 

His phone buzzed. It had been going off at intervals all night, and Bokuto didn't want to face the texts and voicemails from his team and Akaashi. But he was even more afraid that there would be something from Suga. 

He didn't want to know what Suga might say. He didn't think it was anything good. 

Bokuto didn't regret much, but as the night went on and he couldn't fall asleep, the sinking feeling in his chest got stronger until he could hardly breathe. He had been wrong. 

Suga wasn't the sort of person to mean any harm. He would never say anything he didn't mean. Bokuto had gotten carried away with his anger and ignored the important part of what Suga had tried to tell him. 

_I do know._

Suga would never talk to him again, and Bokuto would deserve it. 

A knock on the door made him flinch. “Koutarou, there’s a friend here to see you!” 

Bokuto cursed at his mom’s voice. Of course she wouldn’t ask him if he wanted a friend over, especially not if it was Akaashi. 

Sure enough, the door squeaked open. Bokuto knew it was childish, but he pulled the covers up so that they covered his head and burrowed deeper into his pillows. 

A hand came to rest on his shoulder. “Bokuto-san.” 

Bokuto closed his eyes. “Go away,” he moaned. 

“Are you done blaming yourself?” Akaashi asked. 

Bokuto flinched. 

“A team is made up of many people,” Akaashi told him. “We can’t lose because of one person, just like we can’t win because of one person. After three years you should know that.” 

“I do know that,” Bokuto muttered, but he had forgotten. He was ashamed. He had completely forgotten. 

“Then we can move on to your other problem.” Akashi shifted on the bed. “You ignored my calls and messages. But your last call was from Sugawara. The one you picked up.” 

Bokuto shot up, grabbing for the phone in Akaashi’s hand. Akaashi gave it up easily and leveled Bokuto with a stern look. 

Bokuto lowered his eyes and scrolled through the missed calls and messages. Not one of them was from Suga. 

“Shit,” he said. 

“The game is on,” Akaashi told him. “We can watch it together downstairs.” 

Bokuto dropped the phone in his lap and met Akaashi’s eyes. “I fucked up.” 

“Maybe,” Akaashi said. “You’ll miss the game if you don’t get up soon.” 

*

Halfway through the match, when Karasuno and Nekoma were neck-and-neck and Suga still hadn’t gone on the court, Akaashi turned to Bokuto. 

“Would you rather be able to fight to the very end and lose or have to watch from the sidelines, unable to help your teammates, and win?” 

The whole time, Bokuto had been silently begging Karasuno’s coach to let Suga play. He knew Suga didn’t play often, but it was only now, watching the most important game of the year and the most important of Suga’s high school volleyball career, that he realized just how hard a position Suga was in. 

He knew what it was like to not be good enough to help his team. His coach wouldn’t put him in. This was his last chance, the game everyone dreamed of playing, and Sugawara Koushi wasn’t on the court. 

“Are you going to throw what you had away over a game?” Akaashi asked. 

“No,” Bokuto said. “I’m not.” 

*  
Karasuno won against Nekoma, 39-37 in the final set. 

Akaashi clapped Bokuto on the shoulder. “I’m going home,” he said. “I hope you have a good evening.” 

Bokuto called Kuroo first to make sure he was okay. Then he answered texts from his worried teammates. Finally, he gained the courage to text Suga congratulations. 

A few minutes later Suga answered. “Can we talk?” 

Bokuto called him. 

“Hello?” Suga’s voice sounded hoarse, probably from cheering his team on. 

“It’s me,” Bokuto said. He hated how the words fell flat. “Um...I wanted to say...I’m sorry.” 

“Okay.” 

“I let my anger get ahead of me,” Bokuto continued, “and I didn’t really give you a chance to talk and I didn’t listen. If it makes you feel better, I wasn’t listening to anyone, not even Akaashi. It just happens. It’s just...you know, we worked so hard. But then again, everyone does. I thought it was my fault and it wasn’t.” 

“Okay,” Suga repeated. “I understand.” 

“If you don’t ever wanna talk to me again, I get it.” Bokuto felt like he was letting his words get away from him, but the strange heaviness of the phone call made him nervous. “I mean, it was pretty shitty. I-”

“I do want to talk to you,” Suga said. “I think I’m...everything is happening at once.” 

“I get it,” Bokuto said. 

“B-but I want to see you before I leave,” Suga added, quickly. “Maybe we can...I don’t know.” 

Bokuto swallowed. “I promised I’d show you Tokyo Tower, right? What about tonight?” 

“I don’t know, the team wants to celebrate but maybe...if we can go late.” 

“It’s open until 11,” Bokuto said. “So if you wanna see Tokyo at night…” 

“Well, coach wants us in bed by 10 even if we did just become National Champions,” Suga laughed, a light sound that took away some of the heaviness. “So I can meet you there at 10. Daichi will cover for me.”

“Great!” Bokuto took a deep breath. “And, uh, congratulations.” 

“Thanks.” Suga sighed. “Although, in the end, the team didn’t really need me-” 

“Suga-” 

“I’m happy that I could support them so that they could win. I’ve never seen Daichi and Asahi so happy. Daichi started crying, and I’m sure he’ll cry at dinner, too.” 

Bokuto smiled at the thought of Karasuno’s seemingly tough captain sobbing in front of his team. Then he laughed, because he would have done the same thing. “Make sure you take pictures.” 

“I’ll see you later then?” 

“It’s a date!” 

It was only after Suga hung up that Bokuto realized what he’d said and blushed so hard that his mom asked him if he was feeling well. 

*

“You’re here.” 

Suga turned around. He’d been craning his neck up at the tower, and he smiled at Bokuto when he saw him. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” 

Bokuto didn’t want to say that he’d been afraid Suga would have second thoughts about him. “Anyway, this place is awesome. You can see the whole city from here and let’s be real-” He leaned forward as if to tell a secret and Suga laughed, “it’s much better at night.” 

There were less people than during the day, especially so close to closing. They breezed through the ticketing area and were at the top in less than ten minutes. As they stepped onto the observation deck, Bokuto couldn’t help but watch Suga rather than look out at the city. He’d seen this view many times, but he’d never seen Suga like this. 

Suga’s hair seemed to glow in the dark, like moonlight. Bokuto couldn’t help but stare. Suga’s eyes widened as he took in the view below and he walked right up to the edge, drinking in the entire cityscape. His body strained against the railing like he wanted to be part of view rather than just observing it. 

Bokuto wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but Suga leaned back and turned towards Bokuto, a wide smile on his face and his eyes reflecting the lights below. 

“Thank you.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Bokuto stammered, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Listen, Suga, I’m--I didn’t mean what I said before, you know, I really like you and I--” 

“You said sorry already,” Suga said. “It’s okay.” 

Just like that. Bokuto felt warm, like Suga’s words and his smile by themselves could put him at ease and make him feel better. Like Suga himself could. He was beautiful, on top of the tower like this, and Bokuto couldn’t help but move forward and press a kiss to his lips. 

Briefly, Suga kissed back before pulling away. “Are you sure?” he asked, quiet. 

“Of course I’m sure,” Bokuto . 

Suga’s breath hitched. Bokuto wanted to say thank you to Suga for understanding him, for not turning him away after his fit of anger. He wasn’t sure if words would be enough to show how strongly he felt. But before he could do anything, Suga wrapped his arms around Bokuto and rested his head against Bokuto’s chest. 

Bokuto didn’t comment on the dampness of Suga’s cheeks, and Suga didn’t say anything about how tight Bokuto’s hands gripped Suga’s sweater. Above the Tokyo skyline they held each other, until an attendant told them it was time to leave.


End file.
